Recognizing My Emotions

To tell the truth, I am actually pretty aware of my emotions all too often already without this exercise. When I am angry, upset, mad, sad, or anything that can be generally altogether be considered a negative attitude, I absolutely hate it and that fact that I realize it and know I’m upset makes me even more mad because there may or may be something that is making me feel that way and I may or may not know what it is that is making me feel that way. I will immediately start thinking through to perceive what is making me feel mad or sad to resolve the problem and start feeling content once again. Should the same occur for positive feelings, I always make a point to recognize what is making me feel this way through what I believe to be cognitive process. I do this so I can search for more opportunities in the future to spend time with that person, thing, or event so that I can feel that way more often. I believe we all to some degree do that and perhaps subconsciously too, no doubt, but I feel that I recognize it more often.
As I have tried to keep track of my emotions to some degree, I found just as everyone is mentioning to me that I am extremely emotional. But I already knew that. I knew already that my mood changes all too often. I pay so much attention to how odd it is that I can just switch like a lit match to a burnt match to a wet match in a matter of minutes or even within the process of a couple days. I’ve always found these alterations in emotions so peculiar and possibly inappropriate that the mind can be so indecisive and so like a child, seemingly. I felt that something should be understood about it, so I pay attention a lot to my emotions. Nevertheless, I haven’t been very productive in finding anything out because my emotions are just so confusing all too often.
I don’t have a determined emotion throughout the day. When my family, friends or other anyone else ask me how I am doing, how I am feeling, how was the day, I thoroughly and honestly contemplate the question before answering. It is in part, possibly my paranoia of being so used to being specific in English classes and from the mission, but I feel its also in part trying to honestly answer the question with how I am actually feeling. All too often I respond with a confused answer trying to describe as best as I can that the day wasn’t horrible or bad to any degree, but since it wasn’t the best day in the world or great it wasn’t necessarily a good day either. It’s just any other day!



How tiring is it to me to have such intensely mixed emotions throughout the day! I normally start my days not hopeful, but not dismally discouraged to the extent I would rather stay in bed, but I just see it as any other day. Perhaps that influences things? I know that when I am mad, sad, or tired, I basically shut down - socially. I don’t talk. I try not to show any reaction of emotion of any kind. Nevertheless, we learn we communicate nonetheless when we talk or not and others perceive it. That’s when I start to recognize my own behavior and wish to change it and seek help, share feelings, or just try as best I can to forgive or just be better understanding and be happy.
Most often, when someone smiles or laughs, I give in and do so as well. Who else can help but give in to the temptations of such contagious behavior? I wish these events were more frequent. I seek almost every time in every place in every opportunity I can get to make someone smile, to make them laugh. I do this because I know I love to make people feel better and a lot less like I all too often already have and most often do - just neutral, existent, content, mediocre - blah. I hate having mixed and confused emotions! I want them declared and declared happily! Knowing smiles, laughter, and happiness are all too contagious, I am doing favors for others as well as for myself knowing I’ll enjoy making them happy just as well as I will be happy just seeing them happy. This is why I try to better satisfy myself in my emotions and the emotions of others. It’s a very gratifying experience I look forward to each day and why I try to stay out of my constant blah zone. No one deserves to be in that zone. It’s too sad there. It’s… blah!