Hello,
I am very aware of how weird this is to anyone who is still following my blog I stopped from last semester, but nevertheless, I'll explain.
I was just randomly google searching my name and then my mission name, Elder Bakker from when I served almost a year ago in the Brazil Goiania Mission. However, the Elder Bakker that actually showed up was a trainer and companion of a certain Elder Watkins who is keeping a blog of his mission.
I am "following" him now only because I have no other idea of how to find out how to get into contact with this Elder Bakker to find out if by some chance he is related to me. I mean, I haven't done all of my genealogy, so I guess there's always a chance, right? I don't know...
Anyways, if anyone who knows Elder Watkins or Elder Bakker, let me know because I think that'd be cool to find out. Thanks.
-(Jon) Erick Bakker
of Bellflower, CA (but currently attending BYU-I in Rexburg, ID)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
THOUGHT I WOULD POINT THIS OUT:
JUST TO MAKE A POINT IN MENTIONGING THAT IF ANYTHING POPS UP WHEN TRYING TO VIEW MY PORTFOLIO BLOG, IT'S JUST ASKING FOR YOUR TWITTER INFO SO IT CAN UPLOAD THE TWITTER FEED I HAVE ON MY PAGE. THAT'S ALL! THANKS!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Listening Challenge
During the course of this past week and a half or so that I have been at least aware of this assignment, I started to reflect to some degree on how much I actually listen to people as opposed to trying to get them to listen to me. I have felt for the longest time (anywhere between most of my life and several years, to be exact) that very few to no one at all really listens to me. But as I have been reflecting on this lesson on listening, perhaps I should be doing a whole lot more listening than I really do and in doing so, stop being so selfish and altogether stop thinking only about myself so many times.
Since I seem to be so horrible at listening to other people and try to get so many others listen to me without any good motive for them to do so anyways, I tried to not only focus on just one person. At the same time, I didn’t even know of just one person that was close or important to me in person here in Rexburg. I’ve only been here a couple months, so I couldn’t get too close to anyone in so little time other than a couple roommates and friends I just made recently.
Nevertheless, I pursued my goal to seek to listen much more to these fantastic individuals. However, as I sought to do so, many of them seemed to close up a lot more than they would normally do so, as if they had picked up on my trying to listen to them more and made things more difficult for me to understand what had happened to them, what they thought, etc. I found that people seemed to answer the questions I asked as a good listener to understand what they were saying didn’t lead to further discussion of their thoughts and feelings and to clarify the message they meant to get across. I found out instead that these people gave off short answers that cut the discussion much shorter than it usually would have and brought it altogether to a halt.
The majority of these negative side effects that I have discussed with Sister Embree have resulted in the conclusion that perhaps many of these individuals much prefer to keep to themselves and are more comfortable at being the listeners. Another factor I came to was that the things they have talked about in this past week weren’t all that important to them to go into such large detail other than normal day-to-day activities that in general aren’t too interesting to many people to discuss – no matter what conditions they went through or felt perhaps. I also figured that I simply make big deals of such small things or that I, compared to many other people, love to talk about every little thing in my day and how I feel just about all the time. Perhaps the people I have come to love around me have adapted to this and have accustomed somewhat to being the listener.
I especially do try to listen to people when the circumstance shows obvious seriousness. Very few opportunities gave way to my efforts at bettering my listening skills this week. On both short occasions with two different people, I would try out the listening methods taught in the video by asking clarifying questions, stop day dreaming (which I do all too often to the extent I seriously think I have A.D.D.), and make sure I didn’t hoard the conversation or make it about me like Brian Reagon’s “Me Monster.” I made sure the person was acknowledged, appreciated, valued, and understood. I made sure I understood what they had meant to get across and that I was sure I knew how to answer their questions they meant to ask – whether they were content or relational messages they meant to get across.
I found out that it was extremely hard to not to “hoard” the conversation and make it about myself. I found out that I have such a tendency to try to relate to the person with my own personal experiences to help them not feel alone in their circumstances and help them in their situations as I have been helped. I found out that I go off on many different tangents in doing so, telling stories, telling jokes to cheer them up and help them understand what happen and what to expect. I discovered that when I do that it helps sometimes, but that’s more when the person is just as well willing to listen, but it’s hardly ever the case when someone is distraught over something they just went through which is more often the case. I found I need to hold my tongue a lot more and listen much more than I actually do. I found people ask for my advice and help much more often when I do that and I understand much better their dilemma and how to better condense my answers to address their needs.
Tongue of Angels
I believe the power of language in a relationship is very strong. I know this from experience within the relationships within my own life in which I have communicated either very well or very poorly with one or more people and seen the consequences of these excellent or horrible choices. I’ve also seen these effects when they’ve been positively or negatively conducted towards myself from others that I either know very well or I don’t know at all. The language we use often conveys our own opinions, our ideas, our values or lack thereof, our intentions, our mood/attitude/emotions/feelings, and it can ultimately define the relationship we choose to build or destroy with one another. To make our language more closely resemble the tongue of angels, we must first learn to love ourselves in thought, speech, and deed so that we may be better able to love one another and show it through our choice of words as we speak to them.
All too often is the case we either say something sarcastically, jokingly, or any unintentional conveying of strong feelings or emotions and the listener or recipient of the message misinterprets it entirely to a different message than it was actually intended for. Such cases are when one can say, “What are you doing here?” “Who invited you?” “When are you going back home?” “Are you seeing anyone?” The emphasis, tone, speed of the speech, or lack of any of these things and much more can influence the language conveyed in the message and thus impacting a different attitude towards the relationship.
Elder Holland spoke of the way husbands speak to wives and how wives speak to husbands and just as well as how to speak to the children. He didn’t go into too much depth as to how abusive or bad the language really can relate to each other within the bonds of marriage and families, but I have experienced these profound teachings in my own life.
My father grew up in Panama with a father who later separated or divorced and had been in the military and on top of it, was originally from New York. My mom was born and raised in the neighboring country of Costa Rica and had a decently peaceful youth except for being orphaned, but nonetheless had a calm upbringing to the best of my understanding. My father grew up being yelled at, seeing his siblings beaten for misbehavior, and took up a career as a policeman and was baptized a convert in his early twenties.
My father’s choice of language is completely different than that of many members of the Church and he recognizes his weakness, yet it still affects the environment of the home greatly. It truly can make or break the Spirit within the home. Too many times has it been broken, driven away, and left a sickly and ugly feeling about the home to the extent one wants to leave yet has nowhere to go. Too few are the times the home has the sweet Spirit abiding in abundance where one never would want to leave.
We all realize we need to make changes here and there. I love how Elder Holland said that never should a sweet spirit of a woman ever use her angelic voice to dare utter such shrill and harsh words with the tongue, neither the priesthood bearer who through the same mouth gives blessings dare utter similar lashings of the mouth. I honestly know that if we think better of ourselves, think better and look for the better in other people, we really will see it in ourselves and in others. We can learn to love ourselves and others and our language really will change. In Brazil, I never knew any of the Portuguese curse words for the longest time. Why bother learning them if I’ll never use them? Nevertheless, someone had told me some anyways, but I didn’t care to know! It was a wonderful time to use the tongue of angels to spread the message of angels. This is the best message the world has to offer, to share, to pass along. Why would any of us resort to harsh language if we all strive to better ourselves? Let us start with the tongue. As Elder Holland said, we’ve learned how to master just about everything in this world – the earth, the wind, the water, and fire. But the tongue we have yet to master. By starting to love ourselves and one another, we will master the tongue that we have poorly chosen to master us. I know we can. It wouldn’t be commanded of us to be of good cheer if we couldn’t accomplish it.
Buckets and Dippers
As I came to reflect on the analogy of the Buckets and Dippers, I thought considerably about the way I unfortunately so often feel many times throughout my days, weeks, and months. I regret to say not much of my behavior has improved during the course of my life unless I count perhaps the course of my mission when I had learned to be so much better and learn how to evaluate my performance and become a better person. Nevertheless, I have been less enthusiastic in my attempts to accomplish such goals since I have returned.
I mean to say that when I perceive others recently, I have resorted back to how I acted at a small degree to what I behaved like before the mission. I look on others with buckets of emotion – differing from more or less than what I have. On some occasions, I find that what I have is extremely little in my bucket and if anyone comes along seeming like they have intentions of taking from my own, I can have the habit of the natural man and retrieve my bucket from their thirsty grasp as they attempt to take some of my water out with their dipper.
How selfish! How sad! How often do I react to others in this selfish, cruel manner? Behavior like that leaves them without any more water and if at all, perhaps even less in their bucket for their receiving such harsh and inconsiderate treatment that will no doubt leave them feeling even worse.
When participating in this activity in class, I remember reflecting on the relationship I have with my roommate. When I came back from the mission, I started going to the singles ward in a ward where I met him and we got to talking and I found out that he was working on his application to BYU-I. I told him that I was already accepted and I was going up there and sure enough, he was accepted and started asking for help for housing. Naturally, I suggested he be my roommate and gave him all the information I could and now he’s here as my roommate.
I, however, have many values and pet peeves that he tends to touch upon very often and I go very quiet when things like that disturb me and I can’t bring myself to correct others all too often in fear of offending them. Nevertheless, when I do this, I give the silent treatment which is actually worse than telling them how I feel! Recognizing this destructive behavior only growing worse between us, I decided to call it to an end on one of my better days I had last night and we somewhat resolved the issue that I have a hard time correcting him.
He has expressed often that he feels very alone up here since he doesn’t know anyone or anything and I have a semester longer here than he does. I never knew his bucket was so empty! I didn’t know that he was trying to get some of my water out for himself!
My perception changed quite a bit after recognizing this and after reflecting on this on and on again, I realized it’s not that he’s a bad person and intends to actually take pleasure in making me feel uncomfortable and just enjoy my small suffering, no. He unintentionally had/has habits that are completely contrary to my own personal values that just make me tick and he couldn’t know any better unless I told him.
How different things have become to a small degree since that little conversation we two had last night. Not to make it sound like I demean his intelligence to the level of a child, but how different is the child that learns from his or her parents the right from wrong? How different would life be if our Heavenly Father didn’t bless us with the gift of the Holy Ghost to tell us right from wrong? I think back through my life and wonder if I have ever really felt offended from having a correcting experience that fills my bucket up a whole lot more when I felt guilt from sin, temptations, and other inappropriate thoughts, actions, or words. I realize its actually the love our Father has for us and a small portion of what we can do for others - fill their buckets.
Recognizing My Emotions
To tell the truth, I am actually pretty aware of my emotions all too often already without this exercise. When I am angry, upset, mad, sad, or anything that can be generally altogether be considered a negative attitude, I absolutely hate it and that fact that I realize it and know I’m upset makes me even more mad because there may or may be something that is making me feel that way and I may or may not know what it is that is making me feel that way. I will immediately start thinking through to perceive what is making me feel mad or sad to resolve the problem and start feeling content once again. Should the same occur for positive feelings, I always make a point to recognize what is making me feel this way through what I believe to be cognitive process. I do this so I can search for more opportunities in the future to spend time with that person, thing, or event so that I can feel that way more often. I believe we all to some degree do that and perhaps subconsciously too, no doubt, but I feel that I recognize it more often.
As I have tried to keep track of my emotions to some degree, I found just as everyone is mentioning to me that I am extremely emotional. But I already knew that. I knew already that my mood changes all too often. I pay so much attention to how odd it is that I can just switch like a lit match to a burnt match to a wet match in a matter of minutes or even within the process of a couple days. I’ve always found these alterations in emotions so peculiar and possibly inappropriate that the mind can be so indecisive and so like a child, seemingly. I felt that something should be understood about it, so I pay attention a lot to my emotions. Nevertheless, I haven’t been very productive in finding anything out because my emotions are just so confusing all too often.
I don’t have a determined emotion throughout the day. When my family, friends or other anyone else ask me how I am doing, how I am feeling, how was the day, I thoroughly and honestly contemplate the question before answering. It is in part, possibly my paranoia of being so used to being specific in English classes and from the mission, but I feel its also in part trying to honestly answer the question with how I am actually feeling. All too often I respond with a confused answer trying to describe as best as I can that the day wasn’t horrible or bad to any degree, but since it wasn’t the best day in the world or great it wasn’t necessarily a good day either. It’s just any other day!
How tiring is it to me to have such intensely mixed emotions throughout the day! I normally start my days not hopeful, but not dismally discouraged to the extent I would rather stay in bed, but I just see it as any other day. Perhaps that influences things? I know that when I am mad, sad, or tired, I basically shut down - socially. I don’t talk. I try not to show any reaction of emotion of any kind. Nevertheless, we learn we communicate nonetheless when we talk or not and others perceive it. That’s when I start to recognize my own behavior and wish to change it and seek help, share feelings, or just try as best I can to forgive or just be better understanding and be happy.
Most often, when someone smiles or laughs, I give in and do so as well. Who else can help but give in to the temptations of such contagious behavior? I wish these events were more frequent. I seek almost every time in every place in every opportunity I can get to make someone smile, to make them laugh. I do this because I know I love to make people feel better and a lot less like I all too often already have and most often do - just neutral, existent, content, mediocre - blah. I hate having mixed and confused emotions! I want them declared and declared happily! Knowing smiles, laughter, and happiness are all too contagious, I am doing favors for others as well as for myself knowing I’ll enjoy making them happy just as well as I will be happy just seeing them happy. This is why I try to better satisfy myself in my emotions and the emotions of others. It’s a very gratifying experience I look forward to each day and why I try to stay out of my constant blah zone. No one deserves to be in that zone. It’s too sad there. It’s… blah!
And Nothing Shall Offend Them - Reflection
In all honesty, I can’t remember when I first read or heard this, but it was a very profound talk (as is most of his talks). I do remember however the impact it had on me in remembering that from then on I never had the right to be offended by anything or anyone anymore. Nevertheless, of course, I did choose to be offended every now and again, as we all are mortal and tend to do that.
All of us choose to take offense in many things, so I gained a very different concept and perspective of things when I heard that. I don’t remember having that kind of idea presented to me before. I think that is why I remembered it for so long after he had given that talk originally.
Having remembered that, I taught that every now and again to investigators, less actives, and recent converts on the mission who felt they had been offended not necessarily in the Church, but in any way that they felt that they didn’t have the strength to go on. I felt so much compassion for these people because I was always picked on when I was little for being that quiet distant kid that always did good in school, wore the same sweatshirt hoodie every day and was just there. I remember always feeling offended and the wave of all the other emotions that entailed it. Granted, I don’t remember ever crying about it, but I had friends that did -best friends.
I remember that after feeling so much compassion for these friends of mine as well as myself that I didn’t want anyone else to feel it. How often had I come home to have the loving comfort of my parents to welcome me, embrace me, build me up with love and support and encouragement telling me how great I was and the potential I had and that the opinion of jerks and bullies really doesn’t matter in the long run.
My father told me earlier in my life how he had and always has and still is very curious and likes to learn. So when my father was baptized in the Church, he had a lot of questions about Church doctrine and their explanations. Later on, he found out that the book Answers to Gospel Questions would help him a lot more than his elder’s quorum president. Nevertheless, he asked questions openly and freely in class and it happened to often that the men in class would scoff, sigh, and complain and his consistent curiosity to the extent that my father chose to not go to Church anymore.
Thankfully, a concerned and considerate home teacher of my father’s recognized my father’s absence at Church and came to his house on a certain day to see him and wonder why he had stopped. My father explained what was going on and how he felt in regards to the other brethren in the priesthood quorum that had been upsetting him. Understanding this, the home teacher considered this a minute and replied in the same extent of words that Elder Bednar had explained that just because of someone else he was losing blessings. He asked my dad why he chose to go to Church. My father replied to learn about Christ and return to Heavenly Father. He then asked my father if anyone had told him to stop going if he would stop. My father declared he certainly wouldn’t. The home teacher then point out to my father that was exactly happening right then at that moment. He was choosing to let someone else stop him from going to Church as his own choice and not because it was something literally stopping him from going. My father realized this and decided to come back to Church quickly and has been faithfully active since then.
Knowing these things that my parents had taught me and had made me feel (on top of growing up and getting bigger in size and height than the bullies) on top of hearing Elder Bednar’s talk when he first gave it, I kept these feelings in my mind when I was on the mission teaching these people. These precious children of great worth of our beloved Heavenly Father didn’t know their great potential and how they chose to let themselves fall into despair and discouragement because of the actions of someone else. They were literally being acted upon as an object. As I helped them try to understand this, they would make the change in their mindsets just as Elder Bednar had said and most of them decided to give things in Church and life another try.
I’m glad I know these things that I have learned, the same that I have taught and that I can still remember by the power of the Spirit, in the case that I should forget and choose to give in to the temptation of being offended. Surely, it seems just so much easier to let things be and be angry, bitter, sad, and overall offended from someone or something said or done. I believe this principle definitely should be taught and remembered more often. I believe much more can change in the behavioral patterns in social interaction and cultures to make things a lot more positive. I believe we’d be able to learn a lot this way and love one another a lot more than we really do right now. I feel that that is how the Savior and our Heavenly Father would really want things and how we can actually establish a true Zion here on the BYU-I campus and accomplish not only our goal, but that of our Heavenly Father of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of men. How great would that day be when we all can recognize that and choose to not take offense and really love one another.
The Great Measure of Discipleship - Reflection
One perception that I believe he may have touched upon, but not entirely covered as a whole I would have to label as how we see people as objects. Whether it be a teacher who teaches the lesson and not the student, a missionary viewing an investigator as just a number or a baptism, or a man or a woman who looks on the other like a piece of meat or something neat to look at on a poster on their wall.
I believe all too often people label others as objects. This happens all the time. We make each other feel like every one is just someone else, that they have no life, no meaning, no story, no purpose in or of life. I loved how in class we discussed the different methods of perception and how one of them is based on needs. If something, for example, were to happen in the grocery store - some natural disaster, a fire, a robbery, etc. - that is usually the only time we see or would consider anyone starting to bother to interact with one another! Why is it that things have to be made so drastic for conversations, relationships, friendships, and meaningful interaction to occur between people?
I miss kindergarten. I miss being a kid. I felt like everyone was my friend. I felt I could trust and talk to anyone. I didn’t understand the rule, “Don’t talk to strangers” - everyone was a stranger to me! It seems this little rule never applied to us really in grade school, but now that we’re all grown up and older it somehow worked its way into our minds. It’s really sad, in my opinion. Why are people regarded as “more fish in the sea,” as if they were drops of water in the ocean? Sure there are many of us, but not enough to make each other insignificant. I believe if our Heavenly Father can know us all by name, know who we are, what we like, what we need, can love us, can forgive us, and so forth, then I believe that we can make a difference in ourselves by truly beginning to see others as God’s children, as people, as humans.
I believe this is a great part of discipleship because just as the Lord looked on others as His sheep, His children, His responsibility and His care, I know that we as members of the Church and true disciples have a great responsibility to follow the Master’s example and follow through on our commitment to charity, love, compassion, understanding, and other attributes that contribute to this greater cause of fulfilling the commandment to “love one another.”
I feel that as we strive daily, even if at all through simply just prayer to better ourselves through repentance and asking for strength, that we will begin the steps necessary to live this commandment and show all that we are really Christ’s disciples here on earth. I know that even I, as a returned missionary have done such evil before, during, and sadly even after the mission where I have looked on others as objects, numbers, or something of lesser value than they really are. The worth of souls is great and for us to underestimate, disregard, or forget that is absolutely human, perhaps, yet its not something to be comfortable with at all. Though we are human, we do not wish to remain so. Our absolute goal in whole is to be as least human as possible - in turht, more godly and like Christ. Though we may find these faults in ourselves and worst off in others, our objective is to disregard these mistakes, sins, and faults in ourselves and others and to diligently pursue our course in trying to be more like Christ. That is how changing our perception to be more like Christ’s effects how we truly reflect our understanding of discipleship.
If I were to choose an object to best fit my object in defining a means of perception that we use, I could only think up an action figure or a toy. Someone looks at someone as not necessarily good and not necessarily bad. Just as a child put in front of a mess of toys, the child doesn’t like every single toy. There’s bound to be a toy that the child may not like. He or she may choose to abuse it, break it, throw it, make it the bad guy in the imagination, etc. Whereas there may be the automatic favorite toy for looking it looking cool, spectacular, etc. People are seen this way all to often as something to be used and finished with. Something to be held onto because they like it and when it expires, it gets ruined, it gets broken, then it has served its purpose. It’s beyond repair or its simply not worth the effort to repair. No real love was ever really put into that thing, not even really felt. No emotion felt in its passing. Thus, when its disposed of, no remorse is given and the immediate seeking for a new toy is pressed on. How disgusting that in truth, many of us do that to people.
True Story - Write-Up
I all too often refer to the mission, but I doubt that I will ever stop with the endless number of lessons I have learned while in the service of the Lord. I feel it’s generally pretty hard not to learn something everyday and out in the field, there’s a whole lot less distractions to keep anyone faithful from learning a whole lot that is essential to learn for eternity.
As such, I feel it is such an extremely disappointing fact that there are so many missionaries out there that have sat across the desk from a judge of Israel and pronounced ready (of course, not perfect), but worthy to serve the Lord and in representing him; yet on top of this known fact, many of these missionaries go out into the mission and lose sight of why they went out in the first place, provided they even understood or at some point learned of their immense responsibilities while out in the field. I know I did, but I saw quite the contrary not only out in the field, but before and after the mission as well.
Many missionaries serve the mission with a near-sighted perception of their objectives in their service. “I’m only going to be here at least six weeks in this area, I don’t care.” “I’m out for only two years, I can keep this up.” “If they don’t want anything, I don’t care.” “I’m not here to be your mother, I’m not carrying you around my back all day.” Negligence and procrastination always seem to be the solution to ignorance and results in small degrees of chaos that spiral and escalade to worse proportions not even considered.
What I mean to say is that these missionaries I have met and many who underestimate their divine callings fail to see that through any means of short service they think they have have extremely eternal values and will effect many things down the road. They think that just because they will be there or know someone for such a short amount of time that things won’t matter after their time is over or has passed by them and all worries are gone – so they think.
Many of us, not just missionaries, neglect to recognize the eternal perspective of the smallest things such as our very thoughts. Thoughts lead to words, words lead to actions, actions lead to habit, and our habits form our character. A scientist named Santiago Ramon y Cajal commented on such things when he said, “How many interesting facts fail to be converted into fertile discoveries because their observers regard them as natural and ordinary things! … It is strange to see how the populace, which nourishes its imagination with tales of witches or saints, mysterious events and extraordinary occurrences, disdains the world around as commonplace, monotonous and prosaic, without suspecting that at the bottom it is all secret, mystery, and marvel.” There is always more than meets the eye. We just need to open the doors that are our eyelids to see them. The end of this life is the end of life as we know it? No. We know this eternal truth. Is all hope lost if our companion betrays us? No. If our Father in Heaven is willing to forgive all things and we’re commanded to do so just as well, there is hope. Nothing is impossible that is asked of us from on high.
I feel only one question comes to mind then, when contemplating this eternal truth. How do we match the costs and rewards to make life more fair? The answer is simple and sadly cliché: life isn’t fair. We shouldn’t expect it to be. Any relationship can seem unfair and some point or another. The only thing that can change that is our perception. If we feel all our efforts were wasted in say, asking someone out only to be shut down, that’s our fault in seeing failure, yet in reality it was something that made us stronger to ask again or someone else another time whereas another may see it as a discouraging experience that they don’t wish to endure again and thus won’t try again nor with anyone else.
A certain story tells of how the Lord told a man to push against a mountain. The man pushed and pushed urging the mountain to move. He began to strain and sweat, leaning against the mountain and losing his footing as his feet slid against the ground as he struggled with the beast of stone. The mountain didn’t move a single millimeter. The man continued his efforts for hours and soon days. Every now and again he’d complain to the Lord saying, “Lord, I cannot move the mountain!” The Lord would only reply, “Push. Just push with all your might.” The man pursued his objective for days, and then weeks, but still nothing. Finally, the man gave up and told the Lord, “Lord, I cannot do it. I cannot move this mountain. It is impossible!” The Lord shook his head and replied, “My son, I never commanded you to move this mountain. I only commanded you to push. Look at your arms! Look at your legs and your muscles at how they’ve all grown from your diligent efforts! They are not wasted. You have been blessed, my son, but you failed to see it.” This happens in our perceptions of our costs in relationships. We need to change our perceptions to see all rewards in every cost; if not, it will really cost us – and by then, who knows what it will cost us and if we even have a reward by that time.
Compliment Project
I began much of my assignment by first trying to reflect diligently at how little I compliment people in the long run. I realized with as much few people give me compliments or those around me that do so to others around me as well, I never have really noticed the effect it could have on other people. I decided to heed to the challenge given and thoroughly consider not only some physically complimenting compliments, but also compliments implied to flatter or compliment the person’s personality.
I started paying attention to things I liked about people right from the off. Things I may or may not have noticed about them before, and just say it to them. I wanted to be sure that I would compliment honestly and not heartlessly. Otherwise, I’d feel it would feel too fake of a compliment and not even accomplish its purpose to help the person feel better with a dishonest compliment.
I started with a couple of my roommates, Q Erhard and Trevor Clayton. They have become my best friends here at school and two of the best roommates I could have asked for. They help me a lot with general moral support, great laughs and adventures, and so forth. I wanted to be able to give them a non-cliché and genuine compliment that they deserve.
I approached Q the other day and with as positively optimistic and happy that he always is, I complimented him in his character saying something to the effect that he was a very pleasant company to be around and a very tender friend to keep close to the heart. He’s one of the ones I mentioned earlier to compliment so many people and flatter them. He was almost taken aback. He paused, withdrew his head almost in a whip-lash formation, blinked and smiled and replied, “Why, thank you! You are too, my friend. Respect!” and fist bumped my fist with a hug.
Later on, I can’t remember if it was the same day or when (I can’t remember because I got in the habit of starting to compliment many people. I’m really enjoying it!) I approached Trevor Clayton, my other roommate and in the middle of a conversation that was somewhat very serious, I complimented him in reply to his usual compliment he gives to me, “You’re a good man, [Trevor].” and, “You’re a great friend to count on and you’ll make an excellent missionary.” Trevor is a bit more calm in his actions of response. He humbly smiled and nodded and thanked me and returned the compliment of my being a good man and added I’d make a special woman very happy some day.
The compliment given to a stranger I somewhat already had been acquainted with on a known-name basis, however very few exchanges of words in a real conversation have been given. Her name is Sarah Vance, and she’s a new roommate of a friend of ours to which I visit on many occasions and though I don’t find her extremely attractive to my taste, on a certain day she came out and she did something so that her eyes really stood out and looked very beautiful. I instantly knew that it was something I liked and should compliment, so I did. I told her that her eyes looked very pretty tonight. She simply smiled and said thank you.
I believe that the power of complimenting is pretty powerful, though still very small and subtle. I believe that if continued and maintained earnestly through real, genuine, heartfelt-feeling put into the honesty given through the complimenting, I could see a lot more happier people around me and the environment I live in. I’m sure people will come to compliment each other much more and peoples’ general performance and expectations will both raise and continue to improve. Even the power of a simple smile here and there can make all the difference in someone’s life all in just a split second in a day and that at the right moment can make the world change. It’s happened to me before. Why can’t or shouldn’t I try to do it for someone else? I can. I will.
Doer of Our Deeds - Reflection
The suggestion that we all have been subject to this idea of self-esteem as a recovery from subconsciously feeling abandoned, aloof, or distant from our Heavenly Parents is very intriguing. It may or may not explain perhaps the reason why so many people are born the way they are being “naturally” quiet, distant, recluse, and aloof from the behavioral patterns many other people share. I reflected on how I was when I was little. I was this very way. Now, however, I have learned to come out of my shell a bit more, yet my character has never really changed dramatically to the effect that I am never or no longer quiet as I once was. I admit, I have my moments of doing just that quite often.
She shared an astounding fact that if I had learned, I must have forgotten altogether in which it is that being children of our Heavenly Father, no matter who we are or what our circumstances, we’re His children and as such we inherit a piece of divinity. Be it talents, true kindness within our hearts, knowledge, attributes, light, etc. we have it within ourselves the essence of godliness. This blessing within us that the scriptures also refers to as the Light of Christ and that the world refers to as our “conscience,” is the divine blessing within us that causes the bitterness of sin - AMAZING!
We are direct heirs to Heavenly Father’s kingdom and all the blessings He possesses and with which He wishes to bless us. It’s an amazing thing to rediscover and learn that builds my character, sense of belonging, and knowing such will influence my actions in the future. I hope I can also teach others this knowledge later in life when the time comes. I wish I knew to teach this on the mission because I am sure that there are very few people in the world that actually know that and it can change their behavior quite a bit too, I’m sure.
I loved her analogy found in King Benjamin’s talk about putting off the “natural” man as a recovery to regain our sense of our pre-mortal selves in the pre-existence. It makes me think still about what I must have been like in the pre-existence. I mean, of course we are who we were in the pre-existence and it influences our behavior here on earth as well, but I mean to say the earthly ways of the world such as these feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and so forth that impede me from further being the better self I was in the pre-existence. It makes me reflect on what I once was and how much better I can be still yet to come.
She taught of pursuing the path of charity and humility rather than trying to build up our own character and the means she took to describe the feelings found in both and their results was fabulous as well. I have found that is exactly what happens when I try to make myself feel better about myself and the difference it is when compared to when I try to make others happy. Such a case was on the mission. Honestly the best two years of my life and anyone else who faithfully served a mission well. We’re serving others full-time. The rest of our lives seems to be devoted mostly to ourselves and we end up feeling miserable. Something obviously needs to change, I feel. On top of it, when she adds much later on the way the Savior behaved here on earth not seeking riches, power, or anything prideful or arrogant of the sort, He came to serve others and it’s the only thing He ever did. Another amazing thing to have to remember.
My perception has changed much on the concept of understanding what self-esteem really is. I admit, I still will turn my mind to the old habit of thinking of what it once was to my mind, but nevertheless I’m sure that after more class discussion on the matter soon enough, it will be instilled upon my mind and heart to know what it is to better help others understand it as well. In these past couple of months, I have reflected a great deal on my previous idea of what was my “self-esteem,” and this article has inspired me to reflect further and better on the subject in ways I hadn’t contemplated before. I look forward to shedding from myself my pride and in all ways, shapes, or forms my “natural man” to be able to rightfully declare again what - or in a better word - who I once was and who I can better be. Me.
What If - Part II
SisEmbree What if after a year the person would not die, but would instead betray you? Would u still pursue the relationship? #comm150 #whatifpt2
lauraJo65 #comm150 No i would not pursue it! i answered yes to the first. I have more about it on my blog, check it out! TeamHotLava Knowing she would betray me makes our perfect love different from before I have always wanted something perfect I would go for it ..its tuff
sophiecarolines @aims03 I agree. Love is based on trust, so if you knew that tust would be betrayed, then that love could not be perfect. #comm150 aims03 @SisEmbree Wow.it wouldnt b the same. It wouldnt b perfect cz of that knowledge. I'd always b wondering if they really do love me after all.
jedikryptonian
Assuming "betray" is adultery, I'd still pursue the relationship. If it really were perfect love, we'd be able to work through it together. via web StewartGal
I'm sure the Savior didn't stop loving Peter even after Peter denied him three times. Nor do I think the Savior regretted knowing Peter
StewartGal
My first thought was that I would never pursue a relationship that would end in betrayal, but maybe I would if I knew why they did it.
Love Language
TeamHotLava Took the love language quiz and acts of service won with 8 fallowed by quality time. I guess I don't like gifts because I never answered C
jedikryptonian ok, so I thought this whole time I had posted my Love Language Results... NOPE! My strongest result was Quality Time with a score of 11. sharpsterman So the love language quiz revealed me to be a words of affirmation type. I guess words are just what I need to keep going.
Social Exchange Theory
jedikryptonian Do people listen so much less to each other because they prefer listening to what interests them most like music? I feel a blog comin' on... jedikryptonian found out that he doesn't listen too well, but then again the people he's around don't really talk anyways when he's trying to listen!
Strategic Language
- Pretty strategic persuasion there, if you ask me...
- 1200 Drop Dead in front of Major Tobacco Company http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_56BQmY_e8
- 1200 Body Bags to Tobacco Company http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4xmFcrJexk
- Suicide vs. Smoking Commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7abIkin2mA8
- Can anyone tell me if the strategic language thing needs a write up, or just need to know of one with a specific example to back it up?
- I'll have to show you in class, but its all too common there. It's a common type of body language they have that I didn't know what it was!
- Focusing still on language, I remember in Brazil they'd say, "[something] was so -- **wipe their head with a finger and snap**" What's that?
Suicide vs. Smoking Commercial
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7abIkin2mA8
1200 Body Bags to Tobacco Company
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4xmFcrJexk
1200 Drop Dead in front of Major Tobacco Company
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_56BQmY_e8
These commercials appeal to the emotions of the audience using the common fear of death or suicide (fear of falling) to their advantage of getting their message across to the viewers.
It helps illustrate the intensity of how many deaths really occur amongst the smokers for those who have little or no idea what its like to lose a loved one because of smoking. Using the child in the extremes of second hand smoking illustrates as well the strategy behind the innocent parties involved who inhale second hand smoke and die from it as well.
Obama’s Education Speech
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xrSO1rHlDM
President Obama relates well to the students with his acknowledgment of past experiences of being tired and having to go through difficulties yet demonstrates how he endured them with diligence.
He uses strategies of relating to them, acknowledging the students, influencing them and encouraging them to do better by giving them motives of what to look forward to and how they can do better and what they can do if they strive to do better. He reviews with the students how he has spoken of various other things and how things have been arranged to ensure they are cared for until the responsibility is in their own hands and what is truly expected of them, thus putting a little burden of pressure to do better in the long run.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
What If - Part I: 365 Perfect Days
SisEmbree #comm150WhatIfPt1: WhatIf U could have the perfect love but @ the end of 1 year ur partner would die.Would U still pursue the relationship?
In all honesty, I have thoroughly considered this possibility several times as I have come to think about my future wife. I think about how I would meet her and when it would be ever since I was in my mid-teenage years. I've never been in a relationship and that fact, in part, has lead me to think of my future wife all too often.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "Perfect love is perfectly patient." I have come to try to live that way as I wait to meet or get to know my future wife. I get impatient all too often when it comes to looking forward to getting to know her or who she is sometimes and when I learned this truth, it gave comfort to know she is out there somewhere and even though I've waited very little time that feels too long for me, I have thought of the possibility of finally getting to know her and who she is and then having her taken from me, as Abraham thought it would be with Isaac, knowing how much Heavenly Father knows I want this and testing me to see if I love Him more than what I want most in life.
To answer the question if I would pursue perfect love if she were to die in a year, the answer is most definitely yes. Upon both of our knowing who the other is to each other, I would do everything to arrange our sealing to be together forever. After all, if it were perfect love, why not look forward to this greater chance at perfection for all eternity knowing
what I know through the blessings and covenants promised to us through the gospel? I know them to be true and I trust in them.
what I know through the blessings and covenants promised to us through the gospel? I know them to be true and I trust in them.Now if I were to remarry after this year, I wouldn't know. I can't say right now. I don't know life in love and I don't know how to imagine life after such a thing. I wouldn't turn down the possibility altogether, but I think it would take some time and prayerful consideration and small healing, of course, but I'm not sure if I would or not. I think I would consult with my perfect love before I made such a decision. Such a decision to make on my own, after all would be a bit foolish without the influence of not only my perfect love, but He who perfectly loves me as well.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
My Four Words...
My four words I would hypothetically choose are: thanks, Father, sorry, amen. I chose these because I find these are the words I want to say most that I can't mime out too well unless I take up sign language of course, which I probably would along with keeping a notebook and pen on me all the time.
I feel that saying "I love you" has become too overused, as I'm sure we all have gathered, but at the same time less people SHOW it, as President Monson has said. All too often we say it or regret to say it with the assumption our loved ones "already know." I think I would like to show my love to others rather than saying what everyone else says and making it seem a lot less significant to them. I'd serve and do things for them and just smile lovingly at them and hope they knew I loved them. That's my reasoning for not using "I love you" for three of my only four words.
These four however, though I suppose they may also seem cliché, I chose because there's just been so many times where I had no idea what else to say and these are the words that have usually just came out of my mouth and I think I can use two or three in an average day, though I hope not to seem too blasphemous saying "Amen" to everything I agree to ALL the time nor do I hope I mess up or offend or something so often that I say "Sorry" all the time let alone do I see or talk to my earthly father everyday! Hahaha. But I do hope to pray daily and that would be some small reasoning to why I'd use these four words.
Interpersonal Communications is almost like my RMTC!!!
OK! So, I just finished writing one blog, but then a whole different series of thoughts came to my mind just now!!! I love the things I learn in this class SO much as I said because it feels so much like it did on the mission when I learned to understand somewhat to a small degree how people behave, why, and how to perceive different methods and techniques.
I've come to realize, for me at least, that this class is just as if it were my RMTC! The Returned Missionary Training Center!!! It's seriously helping me how to learn to understand and deal with all different kinds of people and how to better interact with them, understand them, and overall of course communicate with them and I have a SERIOUSLY hard time trying to do that sometimes! All too often I either talk too much and don't get my point across in the end anyways because the listener gets too bored because I'm trying to explain my point of view or reasoning so the listener understands, or knowing that I do this already, I am FREQUENTLY interrupted. By frequently interrupted, I mean several times DAILY. I'm horrible at planning or actively participating in social events or gatherings and I feel a lot of it was because I was so sheltered as a child.
As such, this class is really helping me get back used to the environment of social gatherings around me while at the same time helping me understand it like I never even did in the first place before! Thanks everyone!
My Thoughts 2 Hours Before Class Today...
Okay, so I just remembered I REALLY need to keep this up to speed! I keep forgetting because I simply just don't blog! Sure, I'm very open and I love to talk and tell people about everything, I just don't write things down all the time to just keep lying around, but I'll awkwardly write them 5+ times to my friends when chatting online or something. That can't be too cool.
Well, anyways, I'm sitting here in the library thinking over the awesome stuff I've come to learn in this class. Thinking back to the lesson on emotions, my mind has pretty much stayed in touch with my emotions in tracking them and recognizing them. I often am very aware when I'm not happy and something doesn't feel right. It helped me a LOT on the mission to discern things that needed discerning. The 3-day journal didn't help me discover anything much more about myself than I already knew, since I already paid attention in the first place, but I'm glad it helped some others learn more about themselves.
The lesson on Language, that myself and James and Nate gave a presentation on was pretty interesting too and I came to realize some of the different terms people around me were using that I would suddenly just know what they were talking about without giving it much thought. Though at the same time, I would probably never say that in a normal conversation. I remembered this again just two nights ago when me and my roommates pulled an all-nighter for the second night in a row and watched Night at the Museum II (AWESOMELY HILARIOUS MOVIE!!!) When the character of Amelia Airheart is introduced, she has a TON of language that makes NO sense at all, but you can understand somewhat what she wants to get across with it, haha.
And now, I'm seriously enjoying the discussions on non-verbal communication and I'm glad its been prolonged. I am pretty darn bad at picking up non-verbal communication, so getting the inside scoops on what some of these are and what they mean and when and why to use them are really helping me a lot. These are few things I learned on the mission too about how to read liars, those interested, those hiding or running from you or just plain avoiding you altogether... But when it comes to "the real world" out here, it's a bit different and in this culture too, as we all know. Both the Rexburg and the LDS culture.
I'm really looking forward to further classes and discussions and more particularly excellent examples and activities. I can't wait!
Well, anyways, I'm sitting here in the library thinking over the awesome stuff I've come to learn in this class. Thinking back to the lesson on emotions, my mind has pretty much stayed in touch with my emotions in tracking them and recognizing them. I often am very aware when I'm not happy and something doesn't feel right. It helped me a LOT on the mission to discern things that needed discerning. The 3-day journal didn't help me discover anything much more about myself than I already knew, since I already paid attention in the first place, but I'm glad it helped some others learn more about themselves.
The lesson on Language, that myself and James and Nate gave a presentation on was pretty interesting too and I came to realize some of the different terms people around me were using that I would suddenly just know what they were talking about without giving it much thought. Though at the same time, I would probably never say that in a normal conversation. I remembered this again just two nights ago when me and my roommates pulled an all-nighter for the second night in a row and watched Night at the Museum II (AWESOMELY HILARIOUS MOVIE!!!) When the character of Amelia Airheart is introduced, she has a TON of language that makes NO sense at all, but you can understand somewhat what she wants to get across with it, haha.
And now, I'm seriously enjoying the discussions on non-verbal communication and I'm glad its been prolonged. I am pretty darn bad at picking up non-verbal communication, so getting the inside scoops on what some of these are and what they mean and when and why to use them are really helping me a lot. These are few things I learned on the mission too about how to read liars, those interested, those hiding or running from you or just plain avoiding you altogether... But when it comes to "the real world" out here, it's a bit different and in this culture too, as we all know. Both the Rexburg and the LDS culture.
I'm really looking forward to further classes and discussions and more particularly excellent examples and activities. I can't wait!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
More Thoughts... I Should Go To Bed!
So, just thinking over the things we were discussing in class today for the project reminded me of something I told the class about. I just remembered I took some pictures of it and I wanted to share it with you. Anyone I befriended for blog purposes on facebook may or may not have already seen it, but oh well. This is what I do for people I don't even know and I'll leave it for them to enjoy or destroy. It's up to them. This particular one is on the trunk of someone's car parked in our apartment parking lot. I call it Snow Slug Attacks Wienerschnitzel Hot Dog Dude. =)
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